It sounds like something that has been there for over half your relationship.” Lovett acknowledged that your household sounds very busy with children and jobs etc, and said that “relationships can become very functional. I consulted sexual and relationship counsellor Caroline Lovett ( ) about your letter and her first thoughts were: “Where have you as a couple been in this relationship and where has your voice been? This doesn’t sound like a new problem. Because, by your own words, it is past saving. What matters now are your children, first and foremost, and dealing with ending this relationship safely and sanely for all of you. It is sad, but understandable, when people to fall out of love with one another, but it is not fine for them to treat their partners badly and offer to set them up – pimp them, almost! – with other people. Can we imagine for a moment if the roles were reversed? Perhaps you would see how emotionally abusive this relationship is. Your wife says she respects you but I think she needs a dictionary. You should be asking yourself what you want, given how very shabbily you have been treated. No, and this isn’t the question you should be asking. Would it be wise to talk about it with her? I have never thought romantically about her. She is a beautiful woman whom I have known since I met my wife. I do not know what to think or do concerning Anita. I fear that my frustrations on knowing that my love for my wife is hopeless will make our life together eventually unbearable. We are on good terms and I would hate our relationship to become grim.
She advised me to get into a relationship with her best friend – let’s call her Anita – saying we would be a perfect match. I do love her and am still in love with her, but her behaviour has hit me quite hard. I told her so, just as I told her that it would be way beyond what I can and am willing to accept.
I believe this is a very cruel way of playing with my feelings, letting me know that she intends to leave me but that, in the mean time, she wants to stay with me as a “roomie ” for the children’s sake, and probably also for economical reasons. She said she was considering ending our marriage when the children are grown. Recently my wife acknowledged that she is no longer in love with me she loves me as the father of her children, admires me, respects me, loves me as a family member, but is neither attracted to me nor in love with me. When I asked her whether it had something to do with the other guy, she said no and I believe her. Over the last year or so, she’s become more distant. After many discussions, we managed to get back together as she “chose ” us. About four years ago I found out that she was having a “platonic ” affair with one of her colleagues. She then became progressively more distant. My wife became uninterested in our sex life about 10 years ago.
My wife and I have been married for nearly 20 years.